this is hard to explain. how you can fall for someone so fast. you dont know barely anything about them. but you picture a life. a family. love. thats insane. love = heartache. and i cant do that to myself.
i say dont fall in love with me. advice i should be giving to myself. i fall so fast when everything is right. confusion is setting in and i am getting on for the ride. i think about it alot. things that we could be. its dumb. i am crazy. a week and 4 days. wow. dont hate me. i cry cause it hurts. it hurts to know that you will have to hurt me. that i will have to go. different names for the same thing. your shining sun on my rainy day. it makes all that time in the fog seem useless. why? i cant say i didnt tell you. i cant say i didnt try. i cry tears of joy to know that someone cares. but i cry tears of sorrow because like all good things. this must come to an end too. something that i dont want. i am not saying it will. cause i am hoping it wont.
these things are rocking my life away...and my flex dollars.
i am so happy right now. like tonight was a good night. without a few mishaps.. and well some other stuff it was a good night. i dont know why or how..but sometimes you just have a good feeling... its like 5 in the morning though..so i should go to bed.... but seriously...
and i dont know what i am going to do about college... i want to go to new york...its my dream..but i dont know..should i stay or should i go? its such a hard decision... but i will make it...i have to...
in other news...i wanna do the plays here..the shows are really good..and i think i am good enough to get in one...i am not sure..cause they precast...but who knows..maybe i can be good enough...maybe i can be the next big thing...
cause today in theatre the actors from the lark came and talked to us..and i just really wanted to be joan...that would have been a tight role to have...
i am so confused lately. its hard to think and breath. i dont know what i want or who i want. i know that i like this boy..i really do...but sometimes i get scared and confused. and those who know me and really know me..they know this is just true katelynn fashion. its gonna be sketchy and its gonna be hard. but if i want it to work..i will fucking make it work. stop questioning me!
i really wish i wasnt so scared, that i didnt always question things and just let them roll. but thats not at all the kind of person i am. i will analyze the hell out of it. and you will hate me for it. and you will get frustrated and pissed. but in the end, i can guarntee that it will be worth it. cause why wouldnt it? i mean is it that hard to find someone in college? no. but its hard to keep them in college. and i have realized that watching the demise of people that i know. and it must be hard. but just dont do what i do... and ruin everything.........
i hate dreams.. i am so confused...like i wish dreams were like a crystal ball..i really wanna know whats gonna happen..but i dont know..maybe dreams are like wishes..like what i want to happen..it could be..cause i think its all truly falling apart..and i need just one person to help me..i need him.
so basically updating this thing is useless..no one reads this shit..no one really cares.. and i know i say that all the time..but its true...
so i spent like the last week of my life in a hospital..but i hate them...so it was weird..and then like my mom has been acting really weird lately...i dont know how to explain it..i have really just been getting in trouble alot wiht her..its really weird..i dont do anything wrong and its like i am getting yelled at by her..for like leaving tay at her own grandmas house! and like at 10 at night..get home right now? i mean what the fuck...i dont know....me and her need to have a talk...
i am watching the movie..the perfect score...i like it.. but today was a really good day...like i went to the hospital to see shawnna..amandas sister..she just had baby ethan..he is the most adorable baby of my life!! i am so happy for her and jason...i love babies..then amanda and i got lost..as per usual..on the way back..we followed her mom..and we finally found it..but it was really weird..like before we left the hospital i had like an anxiety attack..i felt so sick..it was unbelievable..i hate hostpitals and i was doing fine...and like i had a really bad headache..then when we were getting ready to leave..it was jsut like a rush..and i couldnt take it..i was about to cry..and like...i felt like really shaky and i couldnt breath..and i felt like i was gonna puke..it was bad..but i am better now..considering its like 12 at night..so anyway...we will probably do it again tomorrow..i am just going to have to not freak out...lol...
i am really confused lately..and i cant sleep either.. its weird..i mean i am tired..but i dont sleep..cause i have just so much in my mind..that i have to do or work out or something ..i dont know..i am just all jumbly..anyway..i got my hairrr cutttt..so if you wanna see it..call me..so we can chill..and you will see it..cause i bring my hair with me everywhere..lol.. alright..no one is reading this anyway.. so..whatever...
so today was a good day i would say..i went to amandas house and we swan in her bomb ass pool...so that was good..i havent been in like a pool of water in a long ass time..cause like i dont even know...also i hung out with a boy..i dont mention names..but its not the one that i used to liek cause he is an ass hole..but i mean if you really want to know..then you can like personally message me i guess..but ya..we went to a movie and stuff..it was a good time..i hope...but ya..i have just been chillen..and like waiting i guess..i a waiting for the hottest boy of my life (brendon urie) to come and sweep me off my feet..its the weirdest thing..but i really do think i have a chance..and i know there are a ton of really freaky girls who love like anime and are like no way he likes me..but for some reason i just have a feeling..but if its gonna happen..i am going to have to move fast..cause he is a wanted man..so i am going to make up a plan..and get back to you..if any one sees any potential holes in my plan..please let me know...i see alot right now as i am typing but i think with the collective help of all my live journal friends..i think we can pull this off...so if you know someone..or know someone who knows someone or any combination of the words "know" and "someone" then let me know..i am serious...help...
fuck livejournal. and myspace. no body is ever on. nobody reads this shit anyway. well whatever. i am bored..and just thought i would say something. oh and like fuck boys too.. as per usual... :)
so i did it. along with 398 of my fellow seniors..! wooot! i am actually excited..i mean really..i totally graduated. thats like a huge deal. i am amped. the senior all night party was bomb ass. the best time of my life. everyone did i would say. and the hypnotist..amazing! i mean he hypnotized kristina..and it was so real. you cant fake what he did.
furthermore. things are going well. i mean if you care. if not..dont read this and disregard everything. lol.
oh geez. what a long day. its been like two days of summer vacation.. and i havent slept in once! i am so pissed. its so gay. i am currently waiting online for well...nothing really. cause what i am waiting for will never come..trust me. i just cant be hoping for these types of things anymore. i am getting my hopes up. and its not like i think its going to happen. its just like i hope it will. and i hope he will. nevermind.. he wont. its just dumb to think about. cause i am dumb. oh geez. commencement practice tomorrow. i am alomst a high school graduate.. oh geezz.. too much to handle.
why am i having these feelings if i am not to act on them? i mean really now. you cant just like someone..and like..not be able to hit that. its stupid.
me justine amanda and caitlin we went to palace vision today. it was fun. good times were had by all. oh geez i think i am gonna go to bed. i have to get up at 7 tomorrow. i have to go to the doctors alone. thats gay. i have to admit. it hate the doctors. alright. well peace
i am so mad at taylor hicks. and another boy. he is lame. and so mean. i am not creepy looking. punk. beat his ass. but anyway. things were going good. but its like one wrong move serioulsly changes everything. i cant even like begin to tell you. no one reads this anyway. its becoming venting space. lol. who cares. 2 days. i am gonna cry hardcore. fuck.
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